16 Festive Christmas Wallpapers
This is a collection 15 Festive Christmas Wallpapers. A little something to spice up your desktop this holiday season. I hope you have great Christmas and a happy new year.
Incredibly Silly Christmas Cracker Jokes
What beats his chest and swings from Christmas cake to Christmas cake?
Tarzipan !
Mum, Can I have a dog for Christmas ?
No you can have turkey like everyone else !
Who is never hungry at Christmas ?
The turkey - he's always stuffed !
What bird has wings but cannot fly ?
Roast turkey !
Whats the best thing to put into a Christmas cake ?
Your teeth !
We had grandma for Christmas dinner ?
Really, we had turkey !
Whats happens if you eat the Christmas decorations ?
You get tinsel-itus !
What do vampires put on their turkey at Christmas ?
Grave-y !
A Christmas thought:
STRESSED is just DESSERTS spelled backward.
How long does it take to burn a candle down?
About a wick !
'It's so cold outside,' the elf said, 'that I just watched a polar bear jump from one iceberg to another and if froze in mid air!'.
'That's impossible,' Father Christmas said.
'The law of gravity won't allow that!'
'Oh, I know' Gnora said, 'but the law of gravity's frozen too!'
What comes at the end of Christmas Day?
The letter "Y"!
What did the bald man say when he got a comb for Christmas ?
Thanks, I'll never part with it !
What did the little candle say to the big candle ?
I'm going out tonight !
What do Eskimos use to hold their homes together?
Ig-"glue"!
What do monkeys sing at Christmas ?
Jungle Bells, Jungle bells.. !
What do you get if you cross an apple with a Christmas tree ?
A pineapple !
What do you give a train driver for Christmas ?
Platform shoes !
What will happen to you at Christmas ?
Yule be happy !
What's Tarzan's favourite Christmas song?
Jungle bells.
But what about his chimp?
King Kong merrily on high, of course!
Where do mistletoe go to become famous?
"Holly" wood!
Why are Christmas trees like bad knitters ?
They both drop their needles !
Why do Mummies like Christmas so much?
Because of all the wrapping!
What happened when the snowgirl fell out with the snowboy ?
She gave him the cold shoulder !
What do snowmen wear on their heads ?
Ice caps !
What's an ig ?
An eskimo's home without a loo !
What do snowmen eat for lunch ?
Icebergers !
Where do snowmen go to dance ?
Snowballs !
How do snowmen travel around ?
By iceicle !
What bird can write under the Arctic Ocean?
A ball-point pen-guin.
Why don't the polar bears eat the penguins?
Because they can't get the silver paper off!
Someone bought Scrooge a clock for Christmas. He put it straight in the bank.
Why did he do that?
He was trying to save time!
What's Scrooge's favourite Christmas game?
Mean-opoly.
Scrooge broke his clock, he punched and then stamped on it
Why did he do that?
He said it was self-defence. He said the clock struck first!
Teacher: If I have 20p and ask Scrooge for another 30p how much will I have?
Pupil: Please, miss, 20p!
Teacher: You don't know your arithmetic.
Pupil: Please, miss, you don't know Scrooge!
10 Well Known and Popular Christmas Songs
Christmas is just around the corner, time to bust out the Christmas tunes. Here are 10 well known and popular Christmas songs to get you in the festive mood. The songs are listed in no particular order, I hope you enjoy them. Thanks to the uploaders
1.Silent Night:
2.Jingle Bells
3.Rudolf the Red Nosed Reindeer
4.Walking in a Winter Wonderland
5.Let it Snow
6.Jingle bells
7.All I want for Christmas is You
8.It's The Most Wonderful Time Of The Year
9.Rockin Around the Christmas Tree
10.Santa Claus is Coming to Town
1.Silent Night:
2.Jingle Bells
3.Rudolf the Red Nosed Reindeer
4.Walking in a Winter Wonderland
5.Let it Snow
6.Jingle bells
7.All I want for Christmas is You
8.It's The Most Wonderful Time Of The Year
9.Rockin Around the Christmas Tree
10.Santa Claus is Coming to Town
Movie Trailer: Brave by Disney Pixar
Determined to make her own path in life, Princess Merida defies a custom
that brings chaos to her kingdom. Granted one wish, Merida must rely on
her bravery and her archery skills to undo a beastly curse.
Directors:
Mark Andrews, Brenda Chapman
Writers:
Brenda Chapman (screenplay), Irene Mecchi (screenplay)
Staring:
Kelly Macdonald, Billy Connolly and Emma Thompson
Mark Andrews, Brenda Chapman
Writers:
Brenda Chapman (screenplay), Irene Mecchi (screenplay)
Staring:
Kelly Macdonald, Billy Connolly and Emma Thompson
10 Strange facts about Dreams
The subject of Dreaming is extremley facisnating and mysterious. The video below covers 10 interestingingly strange facts about sleep and dreaming. This video is made by alltime10s, I hope you enjoy it.
Shocking Facts You Did Not Know
In the time it will take you to watch the short video below you would have learnt a load of shocking facts that you never new before. I hope you find this video post interesting, and please share your thoughts.
Stupid people in court, real life conversatitions that happened in court
IT CAN BE HARD KEEPING A STRAIGHT FACE AS A COURT REPORTER
These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.
ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?'
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan!
___________________________________________
ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
___________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
___________________________________________
ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at
all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget...
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
___________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?
WITNESS: We both do.
ATTORNEY: Voodoo?
WITNESS: We do...
ATTORNEY: You do?
WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.
___________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep , he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
____________________________________
ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: He's 20, much like your IQ.
__________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are you shitting me?
_________________________________________
ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Getting laid
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death..
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Take a guess.
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I'm going with male.
_____________________________________
ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
_____________________________________
ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All of them... The live ones put up too much of a fight.
_________________________________________
ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you
go to?
WITNESS: Oral...
_________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.
___________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?
______________________________________
And last:
ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check
for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No...
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when
you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.
These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.
ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?'
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan!
___________________________________________
ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
___________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
___________________________________________
ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at
all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget...
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
___________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?
WITNESS: We both do.
ATTORNEY: Voodoo?
WITNESS: We do...
ATTORNEY: You do?
WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.
___________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep , he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
____________________________________
ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: He's 20, much like your IQ.
__________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are you shitting me?
_________________________________________
ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Getting laid
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death..
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Take a guess.
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I'm going with male.
_____________________________________
ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
_____________________________________
ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All of them... The live ones put up too much of a fight.
_________________________________________
ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you
go to?
WITNESS: Oral...
_________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.
___________________________________________
ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?
______________________________________
And last:
ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check
for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No...
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when
you began the autopsy?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.
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